An Open Letter to Donald J. Trump


Congratulations, sir, on your impressive and stunning victory. I admit, I didn’t vote for you. I didn’t vote for Hillary either, but that’s neither here nor there.

I actually have a lot I’d like to say, but there’s so little I can get away with, given that you’ll be my new CIC in January. I’ll attempt to keep it clean, sir.

For starters, I consider you the lesser of two evils. As such, your successful campaign is only good news because I consider you preferable to Clinton. Believe me, that isn’t difficult, given that I’d be hard pressed to choose between Clinton and Satan.

You’re bombastic, egotistical and inarticulate. While those are horrible qualities in a person, I think they might be decent qualities in a President, especially given that your predecessor has shown a marked lack of one or more of those qualities, among a multitude of others, including the ability to lead.

Speaking of President Obama, you don’t exactly have your work cut out for you. He didn’t exactly set the bar all that high. As a result, you shouldn’t have to accomplish much to surpass him.

That being said, I’d like to give you one piece of unsolicited advice, sir. Don’t get cocky. While you are replacing an empty suit with delusions of grandeur, it’s important that you don’t turn into one yourself.

Beginning in January, you will be faced with an interesting prospect, in that you’re in a position to make some absolutely amazing changes. You stand on the precipice, ready to turn things around for our great nation.

Please, don’t disappoint us. All over this country, there are people convinced of the worst, because you came out on top. This is your chance to prove them wrong.

You’re inheriting a country with an economy that’s slowly circling the drain, people who’ve been divided along religious, political, racial and socioeconomic lines, by people who’ve proven themselves to be little more than a cancer on our society. You’re inheriting a mess, and history will forever judge your efforts to clean it up. No pressure.

I’ll give you this. You’re working at a bit of a disadvantage. At present, the halls of Congress contain a great many people who’ve opposed you from the beginning, including people who have said some incredibly nasty things about you.

Might I suggest that now would be the time to start building bridges? These next few months will help determine what your first year in office looks like. Were I you, I would be reaching out to those in Congress who opposed you the most vehemently, and then working my way up to my supporters.

You’re a Republican President, with Republican majorities in both the House and the Sentate. You’d be an absolute fool to pass up that opportunity. This the time for the Republican Party to remember what it is they’re supposed to stand for. Only an idiot would fail to take advantage of this situation, and I don’t beloeve that “idiot” falls anywhere in your voluminous list of failings.

Anyways, sir, I just thought I would get some of these things off my chest. Once again, congratulations. Don’t fuck up. Engmed 1, out.


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